Never Meet Your Heroes? I Don't Think So.

"There goes my hero. He's ordinary." - Dave Grohl

I met a hero of mine on Friday night. As I've said before, I'm a fangirl so I am sure it does not come as a surprise to anyone that I love comic cons and festivals, and book signings, and any other opportunity I may have to spend 30 seconds face-to-face with someone I admire. Or that I'm a huge fan of both Sons of Anarchy and Futurama. This was how I came to be in the company of Katey Sagal at 7pm last night (It's 4am, Friday is still "last night" for me).

Katey recently wrote a book of short essays, each one centered around an important person in her life. I found out about this book almost a year ago, and I couldn't wait to read it. She has been someone I greatly admired since I started following her work a few years ago (I actually first saw her in Smart House, but I was, like, 5 and didn't know who she was at the time). Since then I have come to regard her as a great and talented actress, and I've seen a huge chunk of her work. But other than that, I also really admire her for her humility. Obviously, I don't know her, but she has always come across to me as someone who is not overly impressed with herself. She seems self-deprecating, in the best way possible. I really admire that in a person, and it is pretty hard to come by. Also, I love badass women, and Katey Sagal is for sure a badass.

Over Christmas, I learned that Katey was going on a book tour, and would be signing her book on March 31 only an hour and forty-five minute drive from my house. I told my sister, who originally introduced me to Katey's work, and we waited in anticipation for the day's arrival. Finally, it arrived. Last night, at around 5:30pm, my sister and I crossed the threshold of the bookstore, got our reserved copies, and took our place in line. We settled in for what we knew would be a long and slow wait. We made friends, as one does at these things, with three women in front of us joking about how excited we felt.

Katey finally got there, and as I made my way to the front, I felt so nervous. What would I say? How can you express so much about how someone has influenced you when you only get 30 seconds with them? And how do you not say the exact some thing as the last ten people before you? Finally, it was my turn, and my heart was pounding in my chest. I gave my book to the guy standing next to Katey, and, as he passed it to her, she looked at me and smiled. "Hi, Sweetie" she said. Most of the characters Katey plays have this strong maternal energy about them, and in the way she looked at me I realized that that's just her. In the past, I have jokingly referred to her as "mom" (the way Lorde did to Kim Kardashian last year), but in that moment it had never felt more real. I can't even remember what I said to her exactly. These things happen so fast, it was practically over by the time I realized it was happening. Whatever I said, it wasn't anything profound or even noteworthy. When she finished signing my book, she thanked me for coming. "No, thank YOU" I said. I left feeling like someone has just looked into my soul.

Now I know that there was, like, a hundred other people there, and I'm sure they all said the same thing. And I know that Katey does this kind of thing all the time so for her it probably wasn't special, but I guess I'll never really know. Nor is that even the point. The point is that this whole thing left me thinking about the way we connect with other people through art. Whether it's a connection with the artist herself or the other people that love her. It's been about 33 hours since I purchased it, and I've already finished the book. It was beautiful, profound, and, at times, haunting. I could barely put it down. Her voice was so original, and her honesty and vulnerability shocked me at points. I cried, like, three times. It's awesome the way someone's writing or performances can speak to you on a deeper level, make you feel more connected to being human. And how some people speak to you more profoundly than others: the people in whom you see a part of yourself.

They say you shouldn't meet your heroes. You'll be disappointed. They'll never live up to your expectations. I couldn't disagree more. I think whoever said that needed some better heroes. No one is perfect, and yes, even the people who inspire you have their flaws. But isn't that all the more reason to be inspired by them? The fact that they did all these amazing things despite their flaws and struggles. Aren't their flaws what make them accessible to us, and let us feel that connection? This whole experience has left me with a deeper love and appreciation for Katey, not only as an artist, but as a human being. Seeing her with my own eyes and feeling like she really saw me. Fuck the guy that said "don't meet your heroes". Are you putting yourself out there? Sure. But if you don't let yourself be vulnerable or you're closed off to other people's vulnerability, you'll never make that connection. And then what's the point of loving them at all?